Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
