Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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