We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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