the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
