Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
