she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
