So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
