Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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