went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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