Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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