I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
