I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
