i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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