he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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