you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
