just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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