I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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