Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
