when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
