this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
