your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
