once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
