do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
