Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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