I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
