I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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