i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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