Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
