I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
