Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
