we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
