remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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