he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
