i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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