Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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