the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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