Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
