i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You are a genius and a whore.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
