my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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