Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You need a sexual gate keeper
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
