I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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