This is not my ceiling
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
