I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Mom said you looked used
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
