In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
