the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
