Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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