Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
