Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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