Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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