It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The adults are the big ones right?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
