I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
