he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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